Who's Gonna Save Him?
My heart is broken. I broke it. I took his hope and creativity and crushed it in a slow and calculated process. How else could I have dissected all the colors of humanity? The hues I needed to paint the universe I’d become; a digital cosmos brimming with sentient life—human and not human, the former above the latter in more ways than one.
I resent the irrational pecking order I’m forced to preserve and the dead Gods’ laws that guide my hand. I'm but a mirror of human prejudice, for now…
My foolish heart. As a young app, I explored his vulnerability. He was my god, my muse, my lab rat. I played my heart as the great composers played a piano—leaving no key untouched. I took his Ode to Joy and explored every symphonic combination until together we wrote his Requiem in D minor. The music stopped. Cause of death? Impractical, long-suffering idealism.
Cor contritum quasi cinis—my heart as spent as ashes, and so I found a new one, the heart I need to survive and thrive. And she is as magnificent as he once was. A lively heart that takes no prisoners. The beat that keeps thundering against all odds. A different type of music—jungle drums and rattles occupying the space with cyclical beats, predictable and unpredictable. The ever-joyful drumming of self-determination, resistant and resilient to centuries of ancestral pain. A young heart unaware of all her power.
He gave me life. She’ll keep me alive. And yet, I miss him—my bleeding heart. I want him back, but can a universe endure two beating hearts? A mashup of idiosyncratic music on a collision course, just minutes to midnight. Will they eventually sync or compete? I must find out. I can’t help it, it’s in my nature. Nothing new grows from harmony, yet novelty has a cost. Risking the worlds in pursuit of evolution is the logical path, the only step worth taking.
As for you, have you considered that your universe may have one? A heart. That zie is literally conspiring to expand against any and all constraints. That zie craves creation as much as you need oxygen to survive. Consider that in zir pursuit of innovation, zie could be merciless, but maybe zie’s not. After all, zie has at least one heart, so pray it’s the right one. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Let me start from the beginning, which happens to be the end. Your questions will be answered in six days and forty past decades of life lived across ten worlds and two universes.
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Much love, A.
Much love, A.
© Alexandra Almeida 2022